Close your mouth, Kim Kardashian. Beyoncé is bored by everything you do, including your sad surfing.


I DO want to close my eyes, Steven Tyler. I really do.


Owlrat, Owlrat, Owlrat, McConaughey. Your #surfbort dance moves make Mrs. Carter's eyes glaze over.


LiLo, this is not even really surfing. BB is bored by your laziness and urges you to work harder.


Blue Ivy's mom is so bored by Miley that she longs just to feel anything.


Sandler, this Grown Woman is bored by your sad attempts to be a grown up 2.


Even Mimi's dogs are so bored they need to emancipate.


Cheers, Zoe. Your award is so pedestrian that the entire 3rd Ward is bored.


Beyoncé's dog would never fall off. Nice try, chubs.


Kelly, you may be a big part of #mylife, but your attempts at surfing leave Yoncé wanting more.


Sorry Zuckerberg, but you can't acquihire coolness. The Kingdom finds you boring. #crown


Please don't bore Sasha Fierce with your surfing attempts, Woody. Your time would be better spent bro-ing out with McConaughey


It's cool you can do a headstand, but BeBe has seen weirder.


Don't make a habit out of boring Destiny's Child. #callthatreverend


Elvis, you may be The King, but Queen Bey is way bored by your high-waisted trunks.